Am I Making My Child Anxious? Parenting Anxiety and Raising Resilient Kids
As a therapist, it’s always interesting to notice themes that emerge in sessions. Recently, in the same week, I had two separate parents begin therapy sharing similar concerns: their children were struggling with anxiety, and they were trying to figure out how to support them while also sorting through what anxiety belonged to their child — and what anxiety might belong to them.
I’m hearing this theme more and more often in my therapy practice. Parents are overwhelmed, kids are anxious, and many adults are carrying chronic stress themselves while trying to support their families as best they can.
“Am I making my child anxious?”
“Am I a bad mom?”
“Am I a bad dad?”
I’m hearing this theme more and more often in my therapy practice. Parents are overwhelmed, kids are anxious, and many adults are carrying chronic stress themselves while trying to support their families as best they can. For any parents who are also Healthcare Workers there I provide specialized support for work
Parenting in an Age of Anxiety
One book I often recommend to parents is Parenting Anxiety: Breaking the Cycle of Worry and Raising Resilient Kids by Meredith Elkins.
The book does a thoughtful job exploring how modern parenting patterns, cultural pressures, and increasing anxiety are affecting both parents and children. Elkins also shares her own experience parenting a child with anxiety, which many parents find deeply relatable.
One of the most important takeaways from the book is this:
Children build resilience by learning they can tolerate discomfort.
As parents, one of our jobs is helping kids gradually become more comfortable feeling uncomfortable. This might mean supporting a child through anxiety about:
trying something new
going to school
social situations
sleeping independently
making mistakes
disappointment or frustration
In theory, this sounds straightforward. In practice, it can feel incredibly difficult.
Even Elkins writes about being surprised by how much self-doubt she experienced as a parent despite professionally helping other families navigate anxiety.
Supporting an Anxious Child Without Blaming Yourself
Many parents worry:
“Am I causing this?”
“Am I responding the wrong way?”
“What if I make it worse?”
Most parents are not intentionally creating anxiety in their children. More often, they are doing their best while also carrying stress, fear, exhaustion, or anxiety themselves.
Sometimes what feels compassionate in the moment — avoiding distress, rescuing quickly, over-accommodating fears — can unintentionally limit a child’s opportunity to build confidence and resilience over time.
That does not make you a bad parent.
It makes you human.
How Therapy Can Help Parents
Therapy for parents can provide support navigating the balance between:
validating a child’s emotions
setting healthy boundaries
tolerating your child’s discomfort
managing your own anxiety
building confidence in your parenting
Parents often benefit from having a space where they can slow down, process their own emotional reactions, and learn tools for responding to anxiety in ways that support long-term resilience. Parents who work in helping professions or healthcare can access support for burnout and compassion fatigue.
You do not have to parent perfectly to be a good parent.
Parenting Therapy in Seattle and Washington
If you are looking for support for parenting anxiety, anxious children, caregiver stress, or family overwhelm, therapy can help.
I provide therapy for parents and caregivers in Seattle and throughout Washington, including support for:
parenting stress and burnout
anxiety
perfectionism
healthcare worker burnout
mindfulness-based therapy
perinatal mental health
grief and loss
If you’d like to learn more about therapy for parents in Seattle or Washington, feel free to reach out.
