Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, a time to remember the babies and pregnancies that have been lost and to acknowledge the grief that so many families carry.
Pregnancy loss can bring profound grief, but it can also bring feelings of shame, isolation, guilt, and self-blame. Because pregnancy loss (miscarriage or termination) is often not openly discussed, people may find themselves grieving without the support and understanding they need. The experience can feel especially lonely when others do not recognize the depth of the loss or understand why it continues to affect someone long after the pregnancy has ended.
October 15: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day
October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day and the date of the annual Wave of Light.
At 7 p.m. local time, people around the world light a candle in remembrance of babies who have died. As the light moves across time zones, candles are lit around the globe, creating a continuous wave of light.
If you or someone you love has experienced pregnancy or infant loss, lighting a candle can be a simple and meaningful way to remember and honor a baby. It can also be a powerful reminder that grief does not have to be visible to be real.
For someone supporting a loved one after a loss, lighting a candle can be a meaningful gesture as well. Sometimes simply remembering the baby, acknowledging the loss, and giving someone permission to grieve can mean more than we realize.
The Invisible Grief of Pregnancy Loss
One of the challenges of pregnancy loss is that the grief can be difficult for others to see. There may be no funeral, no bereavement leave from work, and sometimes very little acknowledgment from the people around the person who experienced the loss.
Friends, family members, and even healthcare providers may not realize how deeply a pregnancy loss can affect someone's mental health, relationships, sense of identity, or relationship with their body.
Well-intentioned people may also say things meant to provide comfort that unintentionally minimize the experience. Comments such as “You can always try again” or “At least you know you can get pregnant” may be intended to offer hope, but they can feel painful to someone who is grieving.
Pregnancy loss can also bring unexpected triggers. Due dates, pregnancy announcements, baby showers, Mother's Day, Father's Day, medical appointments, and seeing other pregnant people or babies can all bring grief back to the surface.
Supporting Clients After Pregnancy Loss
This month, I am honored to be speaking with a group of therapists about pregnancy loss and invisible grief. We will be exploring what pregnancy loss can look like clinically and how therapists can better support clients through this experience.
We will discuss topics including:
The different types of pregnancy loss and what someone may experience physically and medically
How common pregnancy loss is
Feelings of blame, guilt, or responsibility that may follow a loss
The lack of social support and recognition that many people experience
The potential impact on mental health, relationships, and body image
How well-intentioned comments can sometimes be hurtful
Questions therapists may want to include during intake
Anticipating and preparing for expected and unexpected triggers
Books, support groups, and other resources for people experiencing pregnancy loss
I believe that one of the most important things we can offer someone who has experienced pregnancy loss is a safe place to talk about what happened without minimizing the loss or rushing the grief.
If you have experienced pregnancy or infant loss, you do not have to navigate that grief alone. And if someone you love has experienced a loss, simply acknowledging their baby and remembering that their grief is real can be a meaningful form of support.
I’d also love to connect with other providers who are interested in supporting individuals and families through pregnancy loss. If you are a therapist, healthcare provider, or other professional doing this work, please feel free to reach out.
And if you are struggling after a pregnancy or infant loss and would like support, I invite you to reach out to learn more about therapy and resources available to you.
