Infertility and Postpartum Depression: Supporting Your Mental Health After a Difficult Path to Parenthood
Becoming a parent after infertility can be an incredibly joyful experience—and it can also come with complicated emotions that aren't always easy to talk about.
For some parents, the transition to parenthood after infertility, fertility treatments, surrogacy, or adoption can bring unexpected emotional challenges. Research has found that a history of infertility may be associated with increased vulnerability to postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, and other perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs).
Before reaching the newborn stage and the challenges that come with it, many parents who have experienced infertility have already been running an emotional, financial, and physical marathon. Fertility treatments such as IUI and IVF can involve uncertainty, stress, disappointment, and significant financial and emotional investment.
After everything it took to become a parent, it can sometimes feel difficult to admit that you're struggling.
You might find yourself thinking:
“Since I wanted this baby so badly, how can I complain?”
“We went through so much to have this baby. This should be easier.”
But wanting your baby deeply and struggling as a new parent can both be true.
Why Parenthood After Infertility Can Feel Complicated
When you've spent months or years hoping and working toward becoming a parent, it can be easy to imagine that finally having your baby will bring a sense of relief and happiness.
And it may.
But becoming a parent also brings enormous changes. Sleep deprivation, feeding challenges, changes in relationships, loss of independence, and the constant responsibility of caring for a newborn can be difficult for anyone.
For parents who have experienced infertility, these challenges can bring additional layers of emotion.
You may feel guilty for struggling after working so hard to have your baby. You may feel pressure to be grateful all the time. Or you may worry that acknowledging how difficult things are somehow means you aren't appreciative of your child.
It doesn't.
You can be incredibly grateful for your baby and still find new parenthood difficult.
Every Baby—and Every Parenting Experience—is Different
All babies are different. They have different personalities, temperaments, and developmental patterns.
Some newborns have an easier time latching to breastfeed. Others take to a bottle more easily. Some babies begin sleeping for longer stretches sooner than others.
Comparing your baby with other babies can be frustrating, particularly when it seems like everyone else is having an easier time.
For someone who has experienced infertility, these comparisons can feel especially painful. After everything you've been through, you may feel like you should be happier or better able to handle the challenges of newborn life.
Instead, you may find yourself wondering:
“When does this get easier?”
These feelings don't mean you're ungrateful. They don't mean you love your baby any less. They mean that you're human—and becoming a parent can be hard, even when it's something you've wanted for a very long time.
Infertility and Postpartum Depression and Anxiety
A history of infertility can be one factor associated with increased vulnerability to postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. Other factors can also affect your mental health during pregnancy and after your baby arrives.
These may include:
A previous history of depression or anxiety
Stress related to pregnancy, birth, or parenting
Limited social support
Difficulty getting enough sleep
Complications during pregnancy or birth
A difficult or traumatic birth experience
Challenges with feeding or breastfeeding
Financial or relationship stress
The emotional impact of infertility or fertility treatment
If you've experienced infertility, it may be helpful to recognize that the emotional impact of that experience doesn't necessarily end when you bring your baby home.
You may still be processing grief, fear, uncertainty, or previous losses while simultaneously adjusting to life with a newborn.
Supporting Your Mental Health After Infertility
If you've had an arduous path to parenthood, consider how you can support yourself during the transition into parenthood.
Build your support system. Connecting with other new parents can help you feel less alone and provide opportunities to learn from one another. At the same time, remember that your experience may look different from that of your friends or other parents.
Give yourself permission to have complicated feelings. Gratitude and exhaustion can exist together. Joy and sadness can exist together. Loving your baby and wishing that something were easier can exist together.
Consider professional support. A therapist who specializes in perinatal mental health, postpartum depression and anxiety, or reproductive mental health can help you process your infertility experience while navigating the transition to parenthood.
Reach out early. You don't have to wait until you're in crisis to seek support. Establishing a relationship with a therapist or identifying resources before your baby arrives can make it easier to ask for help when you need it.
You Don't Have to Navigate Parenthood Alone
You can prepare as much as possible and still be surprised by how it feels to bring your baby home. Every parent and every baby is different.
If you became a parent after infertility, fertility treatment, surrogacy, or adoption, remember that your path to parenthood matters. The emotional experiences that came before your baby arrived don't simply disappear once you become a parent.
Wherever you are in your infertility journey, pregnancy, or early parenthood, try to offer yourself the same compassion you would offer someone you love.
You can be deeply grateful for your baby and still find parts of parenthood difficult. You can love your baby and need support. Both things can be true.
